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Search Results 0 to 9 of about 10 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Oct 10, 2012 11:30pm PDT
choice. we've decide as a society it's too expensive to modify the kids' environment, so we have to modify the kids." i have always been in favor of fixing society's problems by modifying children. ( laughter ) i mean, for one thing, we would not have so much crime if we just gave kids legal immunity and replaced their warms plasma cannons. the point is, students thrive when they get personal attention, and since we can't afford all the teachers it would take to give them that attention, we'll give them a pill that helps them pay attention. i just hope they don't pay attention to how little attention we're giving them. and don't worry. don't worry, folks. adderral helps kids focus. not because it's some amphetamine. because it's a combination of four amphetamines. it's like the colonel's secret recipe for speed ( laughter ) folks, i believe this is a great fiscally responsible answer, but we can do more. i mean, we might be cutting arts programs, but one tap of acid, and your kid will be seeing colors you can't find in a crayola box. ( laughter ) ( applause ) of course with anything
Comedy Central
Oct 8, 2012 7:00pm PDT
have disease. and some of those actually can be changed by changing our, not only our environment which is one thing we can change, but also our genetics. >> stephen: you can bring things back from the dead? and were you behind mitt romney's performance last night? (laughter) (cheers and applause) >> we can make copies of things that have elements of animals or bacterias, so forth that were extinct. >> stephen: okay so, you are work on the woolly mammoth, right. >> it's a possibility. first thing that is amazing progress in the field is being able to sequence the genome of the little broken up bits of dna that are present in mammoth remains and many other animals in museums. >> stephen: have you ever stored anything on dna other than animal information. >> we stored the-- . >> stephen: how is this book on dna? >> there you go, 20 million copies, don't eat it, stephen. >> stephen: where is it, where is the-- what dow mean. >> right there in that dot. >> stephen: hold on. that do the right there, what's in there. >> so we took the book including the photographs. >> stephen: yes. >>
Comedy Central
Oct 9, 2012 11:30pm PDT
-- demanded-- that this building, everyone on staff, this this be a meat-free environment for the day that you are here. >> yes. >> stephen: so if i'm woozy right now it's because i haven't had my bacon. (laughter) why? why are you so militant about not only, like, not -- not you having meat but not even seeing meat? >> because animals are nicer than humans and they're conscious beings. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: really. >> yes. >> stephen: what about animals that eat other animals? can i eat a lion? >> only when they have to. >> stephen: what about one that's already dead. like a cow that's been sentenced to death for a murder? (laughter) or a pig that commits suicide from listening to too many of your songs? (laughter) >> you shouldn't laugh at that. >> stephen: i know a lamb that's a (bleep)ing ass (bleep). can i eat that lamb? can i eat that lamb? (laughter) >> if you spit your grandmother in an oven she will probably be tasty. but is that any reason to eat your grandmother. >> stephen: that reminds me, you have an album and a song "meat is murder." have you ever thought ab
Search Results 0 to 9 of about 10 (some duplicates have been removed)